Thursday, February 27, 2014

Lose the Pros and Cons and Hire Your Next Partner



Have you ever made a list of the qualities you want in your post-divorce boyfriend? If you have, you're definitely not alone. Many of my clients come in with such lists. Some have the list in their heads, while others whip them out on pieces of paper, like a grocery list. 

Snarky, sexy and un-pierced may have replaced the old tall, dark, handsome, but we still like to list the pros and cons. We struggle to decide whether or not someone is boyfriend-material.

I'd like to propose an alternative: hire your next boyfriend like Google hires its staff. Thomas L. Friedman's recent piece explains what Google looks for when they're interviewing. I think they're looking for exactly the type of person you're looking for. My take on these qualities includes: 

Humility. People who are humble don't blame others for their own mistakes. Read more here...

 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

My One True Love Has Never Forsaken Me



My Valentine's Day musings led me consider my true loves. Since I am the post-divorce queen, I thought a lot about what my sisters and brothers are going through post-divorce. I worried about all those in the land of the single, wondering when their next Valentine would arrive. 

I realized that there is only one true love that has never forsaken me.

These are some of the things I noticed about my true love:

  •  We were friends first. 
  •  I explored my doubts and didn't rush things. 
  • When I was ready, I totally committed and put all my eggs in one basket.    
  • I am not jealous in this relationship. 
  • I always feel I can be authentic.  
Read more here...

Friday, January 17, 2014

Newsletter for the New Year


See my January, 2014 newsletter with this year's articles about social media pitfalls, health & wellness strategies, relationship & post-divorce issues.

Covering all bases: Young & Beautiful, Lana Del Ray

Friday, December 27, 2013

Relationships Are Whatever You Make Them



Growing up on the kind of romantic comedies that Doris Day and Kathryn Hepburn made, and Leave it to Beaver, it's hard to see how I was not flummoxed by the other things I grew up with, like West Side Story, Gone with the Wind, and The King and I. In these latter, boy-meets-girl, but they sure don't turn out like a Doris Day/Rock Hudson, or Tracy and Hepburn film. We didn't know Rock's back-story until he was dying. Tracy and Hepburn were a not-just-movie couple, never living openly as a couple. Things were not always as perfect as they seemed. 

As Maria Bello concluded in her wonderful "Modern Love" piece, "Maybe…a modern family is just a more honest family." With my post-divorce coaching specialty, I am constantly confronted by people trying to put together new families, often with pieces that seem very disparate to them. There are the ex, the new lover, the step-kids from the now-ex-spouse, the ex-in-laws, and everyone's friends, among others.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Post-Divorce Dilemma: How Many Dates Do You Wait Until The First Kiss?



How many dates does one wait until the first kiss? It's an agonizing question that often comes up in coaching or therapy with the post-divorce set. It's usually prefaced by some nail biting, along with, "I've been out of the whole dating scene for so long," or, "I have no idea of how dating works anymore." 

A new study conducted by DatingAdvice.com found that, "25 percent of Americans would wait until the third date or later to kiss for the first time."
One could also say that 75 percent of American would not wait until the third date or later to kiss for the first time. That number soars to 82 percent for us post-divorce folks. 

What's a girl, or guy, to do? There's no short answer to this, but here are some things to consider.  Read more here

Get information and reviews about dating sites here...

Mood music: Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?, Thompson Square

Monday, November 25, 2013

Legal Las Vegas: Advice on Divorce, Alcohol & More




This guest post is contributed by Farhan Naqvi.
 
While it may not be known as the “City of Love,” Las Vegas is actually known as "The Marriage Capital of the World," especially for those looking to move as quickly as possible through the wedding nuptials to the honeymoon.
 
With so many impromptu marriage ceremonies, there are also numerous quick-turnaround divorces, both of which present certain legal issues that are unique to this desert oasis.
 
But is Las Vegas really the frontier town some people describe, with loosely applied laws and easy virtue? Not hardly.
 
The Myth of the Quickie Divorce
 
Okay. It is not a total myth but it also isn't a walk in the park. It is only easy when compared to the protracted war a typical divorce can be. The rules still read like the instructions to defuse an atom bomb; and it is still a good idea to get an attorney. A badly structured divorce will follow you home from Vegas.
 
If you do retain a divorce attorney, a Las Vegas Divorce is quicker than, say, a divorce in 49 other states. However, if you don't live in Vegas it isn't without residency requirements and other inconvenient things, called laws, that you must still obey.
 
Finders Keepers?
 
We all know that famous adage, meaning that whatever you find on the ground is yours to keep - it is a phrase that kids across the country use to govern daily activities.
 
These words though, have virtually no force in the casinos of Las Vegas, as all tickets and chips left behind by an unknowing visitor may quickly become the property of the management. While a gambler may assume they have struck gold by finding a winning ticket by the door, attempting to cash this check may be considered petit larceny (a misdemeanor) if the value is less than $650, or grand larceny (a felony) if worth more. This only applies to specific casinos though and is a rather native concept to this mecca of gambling where the house always seems to have the advantage.
 
Find the Right Place to Drink
 
Unlike many places in the rest of the United States, it is legal to have an open container of alcohol when in designated areas on the Strip and downtown. Furthermore, possessing an open container on public transportation is also permitted. This leads some to the erroneous conclusion that the drinking laws in Las Vegas allow consumption of alcohol virtually anywhere.
 
Though it is legal to possess an open alcohol container on the Strip, the containers must be made of plastic. Also certain dates make outdoor drinking in most locations illegal. Any violation of these laws may result in an arrest.
 
Because of the leniency of the laws governing open containers in certain parts of the city, many people unknowingly violate the law. Some believe that 40% of all tourist arrests involve a violation of the open container laws. When in doubt, ask.
 
Know the rules
 
No matter what you have heard, read or seen about the Las Vegas marriage, divorce or party scene, you have not entered a lawless backwater town built specifically for your care-free escape.
 
Like any other place in the nation, residents and visitors in Las Vegas are subject to rules and regulations that help support a stable society. With the flashy lights, exciting venues and hoards of visitors roaming the streets, the last thing on your mind is police, security guards, attorneys, and courts of law still, but they do still exist.
 
On the other hand, if it is your first time in Vegas, we might be lenient. You never know. After all, we want you to come back!
 
This guest post is contributed by Farhan Naqvi, an attorney at Naqvi Law in Las Vegas, NV. He was voted 2012 top personal injury lawyer by Vegas INC magazine.