Friday, May 5, 2017

7 Self-Help Tips From My Yoga Practice

Post-divorce we are always seeking ways to move calm down, move forward and stretch. Here's my latest piece to help with all of these.

I'm never quite sure if yoga imitates life, or vice versa. I am sure the lessons I learn from my yoga practice are the same lessons my clients and friends often struggle with.

Certainly, yoga reduces anxiety and improves mood, but the practice is compelling for its subtle teachings. Whether it's recovering from the breakup, improving your health and wellness, or trying to balance work, family and life, applying these principles will help you grow.


1.      No one is perfect. In yoga, the pose that was so accessible yesterday may feel impossible today. Our bodies are different each day. So are our minds. While yesterday you worked, got the kid to soccer, got your steps in, made dinner and it all felt seamless, tomorrow is a different animal. One hiccup can throw everything off. The angry boss, the veggies you thought you had ready for that healthy meal, or the back pain you woke up with, each can undermine our best laid plans. No one can do it all, all the time. Stop beating yourself up and just order the pizza.



Monday, March 6, 2017

Keeping The Bromance Alive. Yes, You Can!



Now that you're divorced, you may be feeling the need for some connection. If, like many men, you've allowed friendships to go by the wayside during your marriage, take heart, there are solutions. My recent post addresses this.

Now that Obama and Biden have left the building, is the bromance over? We'll have to wait and see. But why not use this as an opportunity to evaluate your relationships with your bruhs.

Why bother? Because research shows that relationships are among the most important factors contributing to happiness and longevity. Loneliness is unhealthy and breeds stress. 

According to Geoffrey Greif, psychologist and author of a book about men's friendships, both men and women expect friends to be understanding, trustworthy, dependable individuals with whom we have things in common. We also expect our friends to be available for activities, to reach out to us and to stay in touch.

I'm sorry to say that men are often not so good with reaching out and staying in touch, behaviors that nurture relationships. When you're young, it doesn't take much. You go to games, work on projects or party together. As those activities disappear, generally after college, you have to find new reasons to get together. 



Tuesday, January 17, 2017

4 Marriage-Material Qualities To ALWAYS Look For (And 4 To Ignore)

So when you start looking for that new guy, consider this.

As Daniel Gilbert described in his aptly named book, Stumbling on Happiness, we don't always know what will make us happy. The same can be said about finding partners for relationships that are likely to make us happy.

My clients and friends tend to have a laundry list of things to look for in a guy, who absolutely, positively has to be attractive and intelligent, love the beach (especially for watching a sunrise or sunset), speak a few languages, enjoy travel, desire many children, and many more.

You may want to reconsider that list.

While we say we want a handsome mate, if we also want an understanding one (as most of us do), recent research shows that the handsome partner who is not understanding will be a terrible disappointment.

Read more here... 

Saturday, December 31, 2016

10 Happy Reminders Of Why Divorce Is Sometimes A Beautiful Thing



My teenage son bought me a Kavu bag for my birthday to complete my "hippie look." It was the perfect gift given only by someone who really gets you. I thought about how strong our relationship has become. 

Similar to many post-divorce occurrences, it's not that it couldn't have happened when I was married, it's just that it counts as one of many happy results emerging from an unhappy situation.
These are 10 lessons I learned from those happy results of life after divorce: 

1. I can be closer to my child. I'm not saying you can't be married and close to your children. But often there seems to be a unique bond between the divorced and their children. Not having to divide attention between spouse and child accounts for some of it. 

Maybe the rest comes from having to live together through difficult times. I'm grateful for that closeness and work hard to cultivate it.


 

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Why Your Emotional Support Animal Is Not Treatment For Your Anxiety



Anxiety comes with the territory post-divorce. You might need more than your pet. Here's a recent post on why, and how to reduce anxiety.

I was on a recent teletherapy call with an anxious young college student. Let's call him Robbie. Half-way in he told me he thought he needed an ESA. ESA, I thought…is that one of those texting anagrams I should know, like FOMO or YOLO? Before I had a chance to ask, Robbie said that having his long-time companion, his adored tabby, in his dorm room would make his anxiety manageable.

It came to me in a flash: Emotional Support Animal. I'd read about these. A quick Google search after the call revealed that people are contacting teletherapy services, like the one I took Robbie's call on, to obtain virtually (pun intended) immediate certification to have their ERAs in dorms, pet-unfriendly apartments and on airplanes. 



Sunday, July 31, 2016

Do Powerful Women Really Need Killer Smiles and Heels?


The post-divorce period can be a time to remake yourself. Consider whether your image needs a change..or not. My recent post is about just that. It starts like this:

Kathleen Kennedy Townsend recently chided folks for how powerful women are treated. From her experience we can only infer that a powerful woman must wear rouge, stockings, heels and not too many bracelets. Ridiculous, you say; no one calls it rouge any more. It's dated, right? But I think not.

Witness the recent clamor over Hillary Clinton's smile, or more appropriately, her lack thereof. Then there was the grumbling about Harriet Tubman's facial expression in preparation for the 20. A NY Times article about the resting bitch face, or RBF, noted that some see Botox, and even surgery, as viable solutions to "the problem." These things made me angry.

I'm not gonna lie; it's personal. When I was a girl, people would often look at me, widen their eyes in an exaggerated way, as if beholding a rare bird or maybe a unicorn, and throw me a slightly confused look. It mystified me because I was not an unusual looking child. Read more here...




Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Top 3 Relationship Killers

So you're back in the dating scene and want to be more mindful in your next relationship. Here are 62 experts weighing in on what not to do.

Read it here and scroll down to find mine...