Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Am I As Crazy As Amazing Amy? Take The Test Here


You'll be getting back into the dating and relationship scene soon, if you haven't started already. My recent YourTango piece suggests a couple of cautions.

When "Gone Girl," the book, came out, friends wondered if I'd ever worked with anyone like the main character, psychopath Amy, aka, Amazing Amy. Not to be confused with the garden variety narcissist, the psychopath has a much darker side.

The narcissist will exploit anyone for their own gain, believes in their superiority to others in all things and is vain, self-involved and infuriatingly entitled…kind of like Amy's husband Nick.

Gillian Flynn's Amy has the hallmark signs of the psychopath—her outwardly normal appearance masks her utter lack of conventional morality and the absence of all concern for the welfare of others.

Now that the movie is out, I'm faced with the question again. In answer I decided to post my own questions, including the important one everyone asks themselves: Am I as crazy as Amy? You be the judge.

Have you ever:

1. Thought your partner might be cheating and:

a.       Looked through her phone—harmless enough, right? 
b.      Followed her— if she's got nothing to hide...
c.       Installed spyware on her phone—she'll never know.
d.      All of the above



Monday, October 6, 2014

The Post-Divorce Survival Guide



A Kindle Countdown deal for The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, starts on Amazon.com on October 6th when the book is available for $0.99. It runs through October 13th, with the price going up through the week.

The book helps the reader manage and thrive in the difficult situations and adverse conditions that arise in the wake of divorce. I call on my personal experience and years of work with clients going through this devastating life event to demonstrate how you can emerge even better than before.

 It's a fun read despite the somber topic!


Sunday, October 5, 2014

Got Kids? Don't Overreact To Your Ex's Dating Choices



You may like Gwyneth Paltrow as a lifestyle guru, or not, but don't choose her as your post-divorce model. If the report that she's trying to keep Chris from having their kids around his new, younger gf, or even mentioning J. Law's name around them is true, at best, it's silly. Not that I blame her for wanting to control her children's exposure to new relationships, but this sort of micromanaging is unwarranted.

These are the reasons to relinquish control over your ex's relationships post-divorce: 

1.  The Person. Unless a person is dangerous or clearly a bad influence—they come around your kids drunk, high or advocating illegal activities—you're going to have to step aside. While you would hope your ex exercises good judgment, their judgment will probably be about the same as it was when you were married, for better or for worse.


 
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Thursday, September 25, 2014

10 Ways Your Cell Phone Keeps You Disconnected



Following a few cell phone rules will help you develop your presence in the moment. You’ll need this post-divorce to be more engaged, empathetic and confident with others.

My article starts like this:


Being present in the moment means you experience things in real time without being sidetracked by interfering thoughts, worries or distractions. If you’re with someone, it means you’re connecting and listening. If you’re alone, it means you’re more engaged with your activity, relaxed or in flow.

Recent research suggests that our biological ability to connect with and have empathy for others can be affected by cell phone use. When interacting with someone, the cell phone becomes like a third wheel vying for attention. Even when you’re alone, your cell phone is like a 5-year-old, or worse, a group of them, constantly interrupting.

Want to improve your presence and connection? Don’t do the following with your device: 

Use it when you're having face time. I know you can multitask, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. You cannot truly engage with someone or with a group of people while responding to your virtual world. This includes meetings; so annoying to wait for someone to weigh in while they’re finishing their text. If you’re speaking loudly on your phone while in a group, you’re as involved with what the groups thinks as you are with the person with whom you’re speaking. 







Thursday, September 18, 2014

When It Rains, It Pours: The Ups And Downs Of Life



Accidents, death and Robin Williams can teach you to turn heartbreak into optimism and action. 

As a self-employed member of the sandwich generation, no matter what happens, I have to try to keep working. In the last five days, my son broke his foot, my mother sprained her ankle and I learned that a colleague, 10 years younger than I, was killed in a car accident. And Robin William died. Talk about a downpour.

My son is halfway across the country, almost 21, and said I didn't need to come. He has his teammates, trainers, coaches, gf and her parents. This being the first week of soccer pre-season, it's heartbreaking. I hope he will learn more about coping with adversity and grow stronger for this experience.

There's nothing to be done about my colleague who was also halfway across the country. It's heartbreaking but it reminds me that life is short and I must try even harder to use my time wisely. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Messy Life? Here's How You Can Declutter

I know you're not worrying about the clutter in your home post-divorce...but how about the clutter in your mind? Here are some suggestions for real clutter, cluttered minds or other important behavior changes....



Despite recent evidence suggesting that a cluttered desk leads to a creative (not cluttered) mind, I'm determined to declutter. It's difficult to be creative when you can't find your ideas buried in piles of articles, legal pads and journals, or elsewhere on tiny scraps of paper and sticky notes. Not that you could tell by looking, but I prefer the esthetic of a neat, organized workspace.


Here are my six simple steps for decluttering and other change:


1.  Identify the change. Name it so you make the change you want clear--having spent a marathon weekend clearing out the detritus of a project I recently completed, my goal is to remain clutter-free. You might decide you no longer want to act like a shy person, or you want to stop eating junk food or you want to start exercising daily. Many changes are possible by following the steps.