Wednesday, November 5, 2014

6 Good Reasons To Be Facebook-Free


Post-divorce, Facebook may take on a bigger role in your life as you seek new social connections. I get that. It's still worth considering some of the problems with the media, as I wrote about in my YourTango piece. It starts like this:

People are incensed about Facebook's manipulation of emotional content. Psychologist that I am, I wasn't too upset about it. Since my dissertation involved deception, how hypocritical would that be? And, I seriously doubt that Facebook's research killed anyone, as one Tweeter apparently wondered. 

Nevertheless, the controversy, along with my clients and friends who are regularly threatening to delete their Facebook accounts, led me to pull together these reasons to consider joining the FB-Free club.

1.  Being an unwitting guinea pig
 

If you are furious about the FB content manipulation, you might want to consider, as psychologist Michael Ross said: "It's like undressing in front of an open window and then being outraged that someone watched." Be that as it may, not only would deactivating your FB account solve the problem of being subjected to future unwanted intrapsychic meddling, maybe you also get the satisfaction of giving FB a little payback by leaving…take that FB!

Read more here... 

 

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Am I As Crazy As Amazing Amy? Take The Test Here


You'll be getting back into the dating and relationship scene soon, if you haven't started already. My recent YourTango piece suggests a couple of cautions.

When "Gone Girl," the book, came out, friends wondered if I'd ever worked with anyone like the main character, psychopath Amy, aka, Amazing Amy. Not to be confused with the garden variety narcissist, the psychopath has a much darker side.

The narcissist will exploit anyone for their own gain, believes in their superiority to others in all things and is vain, self-involved and infuriatingly entitled…kind of like Amy's husband Nick.

Gillian Flynn's Amy has the hallmark signs of the psychopath—her outwardly normal appearance masks her utter lack of conventional morality and the absence of all concern for the welfare of others.

Now that the movie is out, I'm faced with the question again. In answer I decided to post my own questions, including the important one everyone asks themselves: Am I as crazy as Amy? You be the judge.

Have you ever:

1. Thought your partner might be cheating and:

a.       Looked through her phone—harmless enough, right? 
b.      Followed her— if she's got nothing to hide...
c.       Installed spyware on her phone—she'll never know.
d.      All of the above



Monday, October 6, 2014

The Post-Divorce Survival Guide



A Kindle Countdown deal for The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, starts on Amazon.com on October 6th when the book is available for $0.99. It runs through October 13th, with the price going up through the week.

The book helps the reader manage and thrive in the difficult situations and adverse conditions that arise in the wake of divorce. I call on my personal experience and years of work with clients going through this devastating life event to demonstrate how you can emerge even better than before.

 It's a fun read despite the somber topic!


Sunday, October 5, 2014

Got Kids? Don't Overreact To Your Ex's Dating Choices



You may like Gwyneth Paltrow as a lifestyle guru, or not, but don't choose her as your post-divorce model. If the report that she's trying to keep Chris from having their kids around his new, younger gf, or even mentioning J. Law's name around them is true, at best, it's silly. Not that I blame her for wanting to control her children's exposure to new relationships, but this sort of micromanaging is unwarranted.

These are the reasons to relinquish control over your ex's relationships post-divorce: 

1.  The Person. Unless a person is dangerous or clearly a bad influence—they come around your kids drunk, high or advocating illegal activities—you're going to have to step aside. While you would hope your ex exercises good judgment, their judgment will probably be about the same as it was when you were married, for better or for worse.


 
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Thursday, September 25, 2014

10 Ways Your Cell Phone Keeps You Disconnected



Following a few cell phone rules will help you develop your presence in the moment. You’ll need this post-divorce to be more engaged, empathetic and confident with others.

My article starts like this:


Being present in the moment means you experience things in real time without being sidetracked by interfering thoughts, worries or distractions. If you’re with someone, it means you’re connecting and listening. If you’re alone, it means you’re more engaged with your activity, relaxed or in flow.

Recent research suggests that our biological ability to connect with and have empathy for others can be affected by cell phone use. When interacting with someone, the cell phone becomes like a third wheel vying for attention. Even when you’re alone, your cell phone is like a 5-year-old, or worse, a group of them, constantly interrupting.

Want to improve your presence and connection? Don’t do the following with your device: 

Use it when you're having face time. I know you can multitask, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. You cannot truly engage with someone or with a group of people while responding to your virtual world. This includes meetings; so annoying to wait for someone to weigh in while they’re finishing their text. If you’re speaking loudly on your phone while in a group, you’re as involved with what the groups thinks as you are with the person with whom you’re speaking.