Saturday, August 16, 2014

Sunday, July 20, 2014

7 Ways We Rationalize The Happiness Out Of Life

One of the post-divorce tasks we all face is finding our happiness. Here are some tips from an article originally published on YourTango.

As I approach a birthday, one with a ginormous number, a wise coach posed the question: If not now, when? I was grumbling about how I hadn't been getting enough done but I really wanted to spend more time reading, watching movies and the World Cup, in other words, engaging in activities that would result in getting even less done. If not now, when?, she asked.

My coach had a valid point. Perhaps you use some of these same rationalizations, as you avoid pursuing your passions and desires: 

1.  I'll do it next year. It might be the big trip you've been talking about for eons. Perhaps time and/or money are getting in the way of you taking that Alaskan cruise or visiting India. These are my fantasy trips, not yours, but surely you have a place you've always wanted to go? Or that thing you've been hoping to get to do? 



Tuesday, July 15, 2014

10 Tips For Re-Entering The Dating Scene After Divorce



This article was originally published last week on YourTango, co-authored by me, Cindy Holbrook and Margaret Jacobson:

The first date you have after (or during) your divorce is magical. You anticipate new love, new romance and even simply new friendship and camaraderie. It seems so dreamy, so playful and thrilling after all we've been through with our divorce or an intense severing of a relationship. The reality is we are recreating who we are anew.

It's hard enough to put ourselves out there again for a first date much less to actually go on it.

Read more here...


Thursday, July 10, 2014

Preparing for Your First Date Post-Divorce


Everything You Need to Know and Feel To Get Started Again.

Tune into Voice America to hear me interviewed by Margaret Jacobson, The Mother Rising, on how to get ready for that first post-divorce date. You listen during the show at 7:00PM ET, or later, at your convenience.

You can also call in with questions at 1-888-346-9141.

Click here... 


Sunday, June 29, 2014

7 Steps To Reduce Insomnia

If you're like me, one of the things that gets short shrift post-divorce is sleep. And I can tell you it wasn't healthy. Here's my recent YourTango post about getting more sleep.

I was fascinated by the NY Times' two recent articles on sleep. One is about how to get more of it so you'll be more beautiful, featuring spas, sleep products and a barely perceptible nod to useful skills like meditation and relaxation. The companion piece is about makeup to hide the ravages of sleeplessness. Really?

Sleep deprivation causes irritability, relationship issues, depression, anxiety, weight gain, medical problems, cognitive deficits, impaired work performance, car crashes and a host of other ills beyond the toll it takes on physical beauty. Makeup is not going to solve these problems.

Clouding the issue by suggesting a cosmetic fix, spa products or pills, ignores the fact that sleep problems are often easily remedied without medication or costly solutions.

Since it's summer, why not send yourself to sleep camp? In sleep camp you have daily activities, just like volleyball and swimming in summer camp. If you despised summer camp you can think of it more like soccer or tennis camp where you're trying to improve a skill set and you know it's going to take dedication, practice, tweaking and repetition.

Here's how sleep camp works: 

1. Start a sleep journal. 

Read more here... 


Thursday, June 19, 2014

7 Ways To Banish Post-Divorce Summer Blues



Summer is upon us and for many, I fear, there is longing for summers past. I know what it can be like to face weeks without a fun vacation in sight or the hope of a romantic sunset on the horizon. Those summers from the years of so-called marital bliss seem so sweet by comparison. Misty watercolor memories of the way we were, or thought we were, rear their ugly heads.
 
Ten years post-divorce, happily, it's been a long time since I felt the summer blues. Still, I have to admit there is a bit of a sting to the fact that I will not be renting that beach house this summer. You know, the one my ex is going to rent. It took a minute, but I'm over it.

Perhaps you can't afford the time or money for your dream-vacation this summer. Ten years post-divorce I'm pleased to report that my experience, not to mention the vast happiness literature, confirms that glitzy vacations (and beach houses) are a bit like that fantastic car or necklace you simply have to have…surefire ways not to create happiness.



Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Do You Have A Dark Passenger?



I know you're dealing with a lot-post-divorce. It is, however, an opportunity to take stock. Do you have a dark passenger? Sometimes it's our dark passenger that's "responsible" for our relationship problems. This post originally appeared in YourTango and it might be useful for your divorce recovery...

Late to the Dexter party, it was only this year that I inhaled all eight seasons after a free Showtime offer landed in my inbox. I started with a few episodes, the gateway to a full-blown addiction. 

Dexter's dark passenger was part of my fascination. What is a dark passenger exactly? Is it a secret, or more like a drive, or perhaps a secret drive? Does everyone have one lurking? Do I? More importantly—do you? 

For a long time I believe my nicotine addiction was my dark passenger. "It" made me sneak around and lie, things I would not normally do. When I was young and couldn't always afford to buy smokes, "it" made me steal cigarettes from an unsuspecting aunt's purse or money from my mother because she had no cigarettes to steal. 

The dark passenger changes you into a person even you don't quite know: liar, cheater, sneak, impostor, pretender.