Thursday, April 22, 2010

Post-Divorce Dating

I'm about to publish an Ezine article about post-divorce dating, so I'm giving a sneak preview here.  The focus is using a different mindset when you consider the perils of dating.
I'm encouraging the growth mindset.  Doesn't that sound all grown up and adult?  It's about thinking more positively about your abilities and knowing that when you put enough effort into something, you're bound to succeed.  We won't belabor the fixed mindset, which, as you can imagine, isn't quite as productive.  It's the one where you think you'll never meet anyone, etc.  NOT what we're looking for.

For the growth mindset, keep in mind:

- Effort leads to success - Join Facebook or
- Learn from mistakes - Why didn't that guy ask me out?
- Stay positive - I know I can figure out how to survive a date
- Seek out feedback - What's wonderful about me (or not so much?)
- Take the plunge! - In the words of a famous sneaker, JUST DO IT!

For more on mindset, look at the book or read my newsletter What's on your Mind

Keep an eye out for my article here or read my last one.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Post-Divorce Creativity Cont'd

You can never have too much creativity, right? And I can never rehash my own ideas enough, right? Okay, maybe not. You be the judge.

My recent newsletter about Using Creativity to Flourish identified 5 strategies for enhancing creativity in life. Let’s apply these to the post-divorce. Yes, I’ve made it a noun, so shoot me.

Enhance natural curiosity. This is trying not to rush and noticing things. Though you may be more stretched for time post-divorce, with kids, work and socializing to juggle (among other things), YOU can chose where to indulge your curiosity. So go crazy. Window shop, go to the museum your ex, Bob or Sally, sneered at and take that hike you’ve been wanting do.

Enhance your flow. Spend more time on your hobby, or take up a new one you didn’t quite feel was supported. I know, you need to spend more time with the kids, the parents, your job. But if you enjoy it, everyone will be happy. My kid has been remarkably supportive (well, since he’s a remarkable kid it’s not all that surprising) of the many hours I spent taking classes and working on my life coaching venture. He even gave me a sign for mother’s day that says Inspire.

Enhance relaxation and reflection. I spent the first 6 months or so sleeping about 4 or 5 hours a night compared to the minimum of 7 I really need to function well. Take heed. You will not get everything figured out, finished, etc. Rest and engage in activities that replenish your psyche and body. Massage, exercise, spiritual pursuits (you know I’m a running, yoga and meditation nut) are all going to help you figure out how to create the life you want.

Enhance the positives. You’ll experiment with different things that seem like they might be interesting…learning to play the flute or belly dance, the new investment group, pilates, speed-dating. Whatever you try, toss out the boring and the time wasters and just do the things you enjoy. Now you can create a schedule that works for you and yours, not having to worry about someone else’s needs.

Enhance your creativity affirmations. Forget I’m so not used to being alone I don’t know what to do with myself. Replace it with It’s so awesome to be able to be spontaneous and go someplace without checking in with anyone.

Building in creative space for yourself and the things that enhance creativity will help you move forward in new and exciting directions. When in doubt, try it.

And this could be the Start of Something New, HS Musical