A Few Tips for Friends of the Divorced

Jancee Dunn has some really good tips for friends of divorced people. It includes some that are perhaps obvious, like invite your friend to do things. There are others that aren't so obvious, like don't trash the ex.

 It's worth a read here...

Post-divorce Survival Guide

My book is mentioned in a "Best Relationships Books" article!

The book helps the reader manage and thrive in the difficult situations and adverse conditions that arise in the wake of divorce. I call on my personal experience and years of work with clients going through this devastating life event to demonstrate how you can emerge even better than before.

Check it out here!

3 Ways To Build A Super Strong Bromance (Because Guys Need Friends, Too!)

One of the things that's really helpful post-divorce is your friends. If you're like many guys, you may have neglected friendships, so here's my take on building them back up...

There are have been a lot of famous bromances throughout history. Explorers Lewis and Clark. Presidents Adams and Jefferson. Authors J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. President Obama and VP Biden. And, of course, a bromance for the ages: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

But don't laugh at or make light of the bromance! Because research shows that relationships — friendships included —  are among the most important factors contributing to happiness and longevity. Yes, your (or your man's) bromance might just help him live longer!

That's because loneliness is unhealthy and breeds stress.

According to Geoffrey Greif, psychologist and author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, both men and women expect friends to be understanding, trustworthy, dependable individuals with whom we have things in common.

But we may not teach boys and men how to be good friends. 

Read more here…

Got Kids? Don't Overreact To Your Ex's Dating Choices

You may like Gwyneth Paltrow as a lifestyle guru, or not, but don't choose her as your post-divorce model. If the report that she's trying to keep Chris from having their kids around his new, younger gf, or even mentioning J. Law's name around them is true, at best, it's silly. Not that I blame her for wanting to control her children's exposure to new relationships, but this sort of micromanaging is unwarranted.

These are the reasons to relinquish control over your ex's relationships post-divorce: 

1.  The Person. Unless a person is dangerous or clearly a bad influence—they come around your kids drunk, high or advocating illegal activities—you're going to have to step aside. While you would hope your ex exercises good judgment, their judgment will probably be about the same as it was when you were married, for better or for worse.

Continue reading here... 

 

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10 Tips For Re-Entering The Dating Scene After Divorce

This article was originally published last week on YourTango, co-authored by me, Cindy Holbrook and Margaret Jacobson:

The first date you have after (or during) your divorce is magical. You anticipate new love, new romance and even simply new friendship and camaraderie. It seems so dreamy, so playful and thrilling after all we've been through with our divorce or an intense severing of a relationship. The reality is we are recreating who we are anew.

It's hard enough to put ourselves out there again for a first date much less to actually go on it.

Read more here...

Are You A Mama's Boy (Or Girl)?

Is being married to a mama's boy or girl one of the issues in your divorce? Or are you one yourself?

We've all heard the stories about millennials being so close with family they take their moms with them on job interviews. My immediate reaction was that we are witnessing a generation of  mama's boys and girls. Yes, I said girls. Woman can suffer from the same overinvolved, enmeshed relationships with their mothers that guys do. 

Mama's boy has a pejorative ring, like Don Juan or gold digger, for good reason. I've said, in these pages, If you want a baby to take care of, then have a baby, don't marry one. As we approach mother's day, consider that your mother might prefer a grown up son…or daughter. 

Typically, sometime during or after adolescence, you psychologically separate from your parents. You become a unique individual with your own set of ideas, beliefs and morals. You establish adult relationships with your parents. If you didn't have secrets before, you definitely have them now.

Mama's boys and girls do not manage the separation and individuation well. They remain attached in ways that can suffocate new relationships. Sometimes the problem behaviors are couched in religious, ethnic or regional cloaks, like, you must always respect your parents, or, your elders are always right.

Read more here...

Get Out of the Post-Divorce Doldrums…It's Spring!

Spring is a great time for renewal, reinvigoration and reinvention. It's a time to leave the post-divorce doldrums behind. 

You can get stuck in the doldrums after any period of stress like divorce, maybe even anytime after you hit the big 5-0. An area near the equator, the doldrums are famous for diabolical transitions from calm to squalls, with, by one definition, "light, baffling winds." The doldrums can keep a ship stuck. If this sounds like your life, you're not alone. 

As any life coach will tell you, anytime is a good time to move forward in your life. With the sun shining a little more and life returning all around us, spring is a really good time to seriously consider taking a few steps to leave the doldrums behind and start smelling the flowers again. 

Change is different for everyone. Some of my suggestions may float your boat, others may not. Both will trigger thoughts of things you might like to try. To see big changes in your life, you can start by trying something new. 

Read more here...

Legal Las Vegas: Advice on Divorce, Alcohol & More

This guest post is contributed by Farhan Naqvi.

 

While it may not be known as the “City of Love,” Las Vegas is actually known as "The Marriage Capital of the World," especially for those looking to move as quickly as possible through the wedding nuptials to the honeymoon.

 

With so many impromptu marriage ceremonies, there are also numerous quick-turnaround divorces, both of which present certain legal issues that are unique to this desert oasis.

 

But is Las Vegas really the frontier town some people describe, with loosely applied laws and easy virtue? Not hardly.

 

The Myth of the Quickie Divorce

 

Okay. It is not a total myth but it also isn't a walk in the park. It is only easy when compared to the protracted war a typical divorce can be. The rules still read like the instructions to defuse an atom bomb; and it is still a good idea to get an attorney. A badly structured divorce will follow you home from Vegas.

 

If you do retain a divorce attorney, a Las Vegas Divorce is quicker than, say, a divorce in 49 other states. However, if you don't live in Vegas it isn't without residency requirements and other inconvenient things, called laws, that you must still obey.

 

Finders Keepers?

 

We all know that famous adage, meaning that whatever you find on the ground is yours to keep - it is a phrase that kids across the country use to govern daily activities.

 

These words though, have virtually no force in the casinos of Las Vegas, as all tickets and chips left behind by an unknowing visitor may quickly become the property of the management. While a gambler may assume they have struck gold by finding a winning ticket by the door, attempting to cash this check may be considered petit larceny (a misdemeanor) if the value is less than $650, or grand larceny (a felony) if worth more. This only applies to specific casinos though and is a rather native concept to this mecca of gambling where the house always seems to have the advantage.

 

Find the Right Place to Drink

 

Unlike many places in the rest of the United States, it is legal to have an open container of alcohol when in designated areas on the Strip and downtown. Furthermore, possessing an open container on public transportation is also permitted. This leads some to the erroneous conclusion that the drinking laws in Las Vegas allow consumption of alcohol virtually anywhere.

 

Though it is legal to possess an open alcohol container on the Strip, the containers must be made of plastic. Also certain dates make outdoor drinking in most locations illegal. Any violation of these laws may result in an arrest.

 

Because of the leniency of the laws governing open containers in certain parts of the city, many people unknowingly violate the law. Some believe that 40% of all tourist arrests involve a violation of the open container laws. When in doubt, ask.

 

Know the rules

 

No matter what you have heard, read or seen about the Las Vegas marriage, divorce or party scene, you have not entered a lawless backwater town built specifically for your care-free escape.

 

Like any other place in the nation, residents and visitors in Las Vegas are subject to rules and regulations that help support a stable society. With the flashy lights, exciting venues and hoards of visitors roaming the streets, the last thing on your mind is police, security guards, attorneys, and courts of law still, but they do still exist.

 

On the other hand, if it is your first time in Vegas, we might be lenient. You never know. After all, we want you to come back!

 

This guest post is contributed by Farhan Naqvi, an attorney at Naqvi Law in Las Vegas, NV. He was voted 2012 top personal injury lawyer by Vegas INC magazine.