And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
William Shakespeare
One of the things that people complain about post-divorce is that they’ve lost their sense of self. The self is so often tied up with the partner that there is can be a loss of confidence in one’s own judgment, opinions and beliefs. The compromise you’ve lived with for so long is no longer necessary. It’s all up to you.
It could just be me, but I think that divorce is actually a great opportunity to redefine one’s sense of self. I find authenticity is a useful way to look at where we want to go post-divorce.
Clues to trying to live authentically:
Telling the truth to ourselves and others
Attempting to live a life true to our inner values and beliefs, not to those of others or society
Congruity between our values, attitudes, needs, and our behavior
Congruity between our values, attitudes, needs, and that which we express to others
Thought, words and behavior are all consistent with your true self
Red flags for inauthenticity:
Not saying what you think
Pretending to be something you’re not
Worrying about how you appear to others
Second guessing decisions you make
Inability to take a desired action step
So, if you stop trying to make yourself into more than you are out of fear that you are less than you are, whoever you really are will be a lot lighter and happier, and easier to live with, too. Kabat-Zinn.
Be Yourself, Graham Nash
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