4 Marriage-Material Qualities To ALWAYS Look For (And 4 To Ignore)

So when you start looking for that new guy, consider this.

As Daniel Gilbert described in his aptly named book, Stumbling on Happiness, we don't always know what will make us happy. The same can be said about finding partners for relationships that are likely to make us happy.

My clients and friends tend to have a laundry list of things to look for in a guy, who absolutely, positively has to be attractive and intelligent, love the beach (especially for watching a sunrise or sunset), speak a few languages, enjoy travel, desire many children, and many more.

You may want to reconsider that list.

While we say we want a handsome mate, if we also want an understanding one (as most of us do), recent research shows that the handsome partner who is not understanding will be a terrible disappointment.

Read more here... 

The Top 3 Relationship Killers

So you're back in the dating scene and want to be more mindful in your next relationship. Here are 62 experts weighing in on what not to do.

Read it here and scroll down to find mine...

Why Finding Your Soul Mate Is Not Just About Getting Lucky

When you're ready to get back into the dating scene, you'll need to know the things I talk about in this piece.

One of my pet peeves is peopling telling me they're just "unlucky," as an explanation for why they don't have a great job, don't live in an exciting city or aren't in a fulfilling relationship. Really? 

Even in poker, while there's luck involved, there's also skill and the work of honing that skill. When it comes to being discovered as an actor, or getting that coveted job at an amazing law firm, there's always the luck of being in the right place at the right time, but you're not getting the job without skill and hard work as well.

Read more here...

 

Spring, 2016 Newsletter

Click here to see my Spring, 2016 Newsletter, with my recent posts and others I've enjoyed on health and wellness, relationships, dating and post-divorce adjustment. And there's news about my new office. Read it here…

For the next 5 days my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, is available FREE.

4 Steps To Becoming Your Authentic Self

Being divorced you're probably trying to get back to being your authentic self. You're also likely trying to meet people, both as friends and to date. This post will help you be you...

One of my top recommendations for clients and friends who are dating is to be yourself. Although you may not list authenticity as a top quality for a partner or friend, recent research suggests it is one of the qualities that we seek in others. Authentic people are generally really fun to be around and easy to read. They tend to be less stressed and more satisfied. They do not trigger red flags like the inauthentic.

Authenticity is basically the opposite of being a liar, a fake or a fraud. It's being yourself, being honest, being who you truly are. According to psychologist Robert Biswas-Diener, you can increase your authenticity quotient.

So let's look at how you know if you are being authentic and how to work on being more authentic, while avoiding the trap of overplaying your authenticity. 

1. Talk the talk. Say what you really think. Honor your values, beliefs and ideals above people pleasing and despite possibly making a few waves. If you believe it's important to reduce your carbon footprint, say so.  Read more here...

4 Qualities To Say "Yes" To In A Partner

So it's time to date and seek the new love of your life. This post provides a few suggestions about what you need to look for.


As Daniel Gilbert described in his aptly named book, Stumbling on Happiness, we don't always know what will make us happy. The same can be said about finding partners likely to make us happy.

My clients and friends tend to have a laundry list of things they seek in their next mate, who absolutely, positively has to be attractive and intelligent, love the beach (especially for watching a sunrise or sunset), speak a few languages, enjoy travel, desire many children, etc.  You may want to reconsider that list.

While we say we want a handsome mate, if we also want an understanding one (as most of us do), recent research shows that the handsome partner who is not understanding will be a terrible disappointment. And it follows that the not-so-handsome mate who is very understanding will bring us more happiness.

The traits that reflect our deepest, intrinsic desires are most important in guaranteeing satisfaction with our partner. 

What we really need are:  

1. Warmth. This person desires intimacy with you. Read more here...

 

Relationship Advice For Men: 62 Tips From 62 Experts

So now that you're divorced, you're considering dating or you're already dating.

From EliteManMagazine, read all 62 really helpful tips, including a few from yours truly.

The article starts like this:

Guys are often left shaking their heads in pure bewilderment when it comes to different aspects of their relationship.  Their wives, girlfriends, or partners of some sort or another, just seem to constantly throw curveball after curveball at them, and their left wondering what to do.


Without giving up on their loved ones, they fight back; but this often leads to more stress and even more relationship imbalance. 

You see men aren’t schooled in this department of life.

Read the rest here... 

My Summer, 2015 Newsletter and Free Book

The year's top posts on social media, health and wellness, relationships and post-divorce adjustment are all in my newsletter. You will also find a link to my book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide. Tools for Your Journey, which is available FREE for the next 3 days.

The newsletter starts like this:

Reflecting my continuing interest in social media, this post was published on Care2 Healthy Living and Thought Catalogue:

·         6 Reasons Saying Bye To Facebook Will Make You A Happier Person. People are incensed about Facebook's manipulation of emotional content. Psychologist that I am, I wasn't too upset about it. Since my dissertation involved deception, how hypocritical would that be? And, I seriously doubt that Facebook's research killed anyone, as one Tweeter apparently wondered. 

 

Read the rest here...

7 Times Love At First Sight Can Actually Happen

Ready to date? Of course you are, or see, "How to know you're ready to date after divorce," if you're not sure. One thing we still ponder, even after we've already parted from the presumed love of our life, is whether we can have love at first sight again, or for the first time. That's what this article is about. It begins,

Renée Zellweger explained it to Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire with, "You had me at 'hello'." Many of us have experienced it. According to a recent DatingAdvice.com survey, 57% of Americans believe it can happen. There are many reasons we meet someone and later proclaim, "It was love at first sight.

You be the judge of whether these factors behind the love at first sight phenomenon reflect true love:

1.  Your radar instantly detects your perfect match.  


 Be it washed out jeans, dirty blond, slightly unkempt hair and a copy of the very novel you are reading in hand, or a designer suit, expensive haircut and leather briefcase on deck, a quick look reveals a lot about someone. You compare the information with your perfect-mate template in nanoseconds and it's a match, or not. It's not just superficial. Appearance gives you information about a stranger. What you wear and carry signal some of the things you find important. 

Read more here... 

Get information and reviews about dating sites here…

The World According To Dunham

Whether they're 20-, 30- or 60-something, my clients often bemoan the unfairness of life. They are frequently bemused, as in "I've been so good to him, how could he have lied to me for all that time?" or, "My boss has totally got it in for me…no reason whatsoever…I don't get it." They are shocked by the randomness.

The remarkable thing about Lena Dunham's memoir is that, at a mere 27, she seems to have totally gotten how the world works, as in, "There's a lot of crap around and you can't avoid that.

I've written previously about wisdom we can glean from Dunham's Girls series. At the risk of again being accused of suffering a girl crush, I simply must relate some Dunhamisms from the memoir, applicable to your relationships.

1.  Not yet ready for prime time. Dunham notes that when you go for guys who aren't interested in you, it could be because you're not ready for sex. While she referred to her adolescence, this applies at any age and goes beyond sex. Focusing efforts on unavailable men means that, not only aren't you ready for sex, you're probably not ready for any type of intimacy, including the non-physical kind. Take your time.

Read more here...