Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Why Being Perfect Won't Make You As Happy As You Think (And 6 Things That Actually Will)

Taking advantage of the opportunity, post-divorce consider letting go of some of the things that make life more stressful. This piece is about perfectionism, and how to lose it.

It starts like this:

I think of them, affectionately, as perfectionistas. Those people who begin a sentence with, “I know nothing’s perfect, but…” But what? There is no “but.” Nothing’s perfect.

Linked with suicide, addiction, anxiety, anorexia, depression, high blood pressure and early death, according to a recent study, perfectionism is on the rise.

Social media may be driving the upswing as we constantly compare ourselves with others. It’s no surprise that, with teens spending as much as 9 hours a day on social media, and the average daily worldwide social media use estimated at 135 minutes, we experience a desire for the perfect lifestyle, including all the perfect houses, jobs and people we see on-line.

Perfectionism, the relentless striving for flawlessness and excessively high performance, sets the high bar by which we consistently judge ourselves and find ourselves wanting. At the same time the perfectionist worries about how others evaluate them.

I’m anticipating your question, the same one my clients pose: “What’s wrong with trying to be as perfect as possible?”

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Post-divorce Survival Guide

My book is mentioned in a "Best Relationships Books" article!

The book helps the reader manage and thrive in the difficult situations and adverse conditions that arise in the wake of divorce. I call on my personal experience and years of work with clients going through this devastating life event to demonstrate how you can emerge even better than before.

Check it out here!

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

5 Ways To Stop Obsessing About Your Looks (And What It Means If You Do)

I know it's difficult not to scrutinize your looks post-divorce. My latest article is about how to not do that anytime,and what to try instead. It starts like this...
You don’t have to be a psychologist to know that American women are obsessed with their appearance and constantly worrying about their looks. We all want to know how to look pretty, how to look hot and even how to look younger. 
According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, in 2016 over 4.5 million Botox injections were performed, with the total price tag for surgical and non-surgical aesthetic procedures topping 15 billion dollars. Only 9% of recipients were men.
Allure reports that 2017 was the “unofficial” year of plumped-up lips. The predictions for what will be hot in 2018 include the laser bra lift, the new Botox, upper and lower eye-lid filler and customized labia (ouch!). My personal fav is the so-called vampire breast lift. As you might guess, blood is involved. And here I was thinking Allure was cool for banning the term “anti-aging.”

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Do You Apologize Too Much? What You Need to Know About Saying Sorry

One of the things we tend to be really good at post-divorce, is feeling shame and guilt, even if we're clear we did nothing wrong. It just goes with the territory.

So this post about apologizing could come in handy.

It starts like this:

The evening I realized I said “sorry” to my cat for pushing her aside so I could share the chair with her, I knew I needed to start looking into the subject of apologizing.

I’m sorry to say that when I began my research, I thought I was writing a piece about why women should stop apologizing so much. Turns out, it’s complicated.

While there is some research to support the common view that women apologize more than men, it’s not overwhelming. That said, we all know someone who over-apologizes; typically, that person is female.

To decide whether you fall in the over-apologizing group, you must know that apologies are more complex than a simple, “I’m sorry.”

Apologies fall in several categories...

Read more here..