What You Need To Know About Lying to Your Therapist

 

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Divorce leads many people to therapy as they try to make sense of the past and move forward into the future. 

Clearly seeing reality is a waystation toward the goal of enhancing your wellbeing. As you might imagine, lying to your therapist impairs both your and your therapist’s ability to see that reality. If you’re like most people, you’ve probably lied to your therapist.

In their book, Secrets and Lies in Psychotherapy, the authors report that between 84 and 93% of clients lie to their therapists, often about multiple things. This isn’t terribly surprising since research has shown that the average person lies once or twice a day.

Consider your honesty on a first date. Odds are, you may be less than totally truthful. You may paint your job in a more positive light, talk about relationships with your children in a slightly more glowing way, or tell an anecdote about something, embellishing the details to make it more humorous or interesting. 

These are all normal lies told for the sake of impression management, to make us look a little better, appear somewhat more accomplished or take a conversation from merely interesting to scintillating.

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This Personality Test Reveals If Being 'Nice' Is Your Greatest Strength Or Weakness In Relationships

Sometimes after a divorce, you try to be all things to all people. You may feel like you have to do more to have friends, go out of your way to be accommodating in new relationships, and maybe you were always like that. This piece is about the curse of being "too nice," to the detriment of your goals and needs.

If you're the kind of the person who's always being accused of being "too nice", a simple personality test can let you know whether or not what they're telling you is the truth. 

After all, we all know someone who's quick to forgive and who only responds with kindness when they're on the receiving end of bad behavior. When someone drops the ball, that person is there picking up the slack. When someone says something insensitive, they go above and beyond to be understanding of that person's intent.

After all, we all know someone who's quick to forgive and who only responds with kindness when they're on the receiving end of bad behavior. When someone drops the ball, that person is there picking up the slack. When someone says something insensitive, they go above and beyond to be understanding of that person's intent.

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4 Marriage-Material Qualities To ALWAYS Look For (And 4 To Ignore)

So when you start looking for that new guy, consider this.

As Daniel Gilbert described in his aptly named book, Stumbling on Happiness, we don't always know what will make us happy. The same can be said about finding partners for relationships that are likely to make us happy.

My clients and friends tend to have a laundry list of things to look for in a guy, who absolutely, positively has to be attractive and intelligent, love the beach (especially for watching a sunrise or sunset), speak a few languages, enjoy travel, desire many children, and many more.

You may want to reconsider that list.

While we say we want a handsome mate, if we also want an understanding one (as most of us do), recent research shows that the handsome partner who is not understanding will be a terrible disappointment.

Read more here... 

4 Qualities To Say "Yes" To In A Partner

So it's time to date and seek the new love of your life. This post provides a few suggestions about what you need to look for.


As Daniel Gilbert described in his aptly named book, Stumbling on Happiness, we don't always know what will make us happy. The same can be said about finding partners likely to make us happy.

My clients and friends tend to have a laundry list of things they seek in their next mate, who absolutely, positively has to be attractive and intelligent, love the beach (especially for watching a sunrise or sunset), speak a few languages, enjoy travel, desire many children, etc.  You may want to reconsider that list.

While we say we want a handsome mate, if we also want an understanding one (as most of us do), recent research shows that the handsome partner who is not understanding will be a terrible disappointment. And it follows that the not-so-handsome mate who is very understanding will bring us more happiness.

The traits that reflect our deepest, intrinsic desires are most important in guaranteeing satisfaction with our partner. 

What we really need are:  

1. Warmth. This person desires intimacy with you. Read more here...

 

Am I As Crazy As Amazing Amy? Take The Test Here

You'll be getting back into the dating and relationship scene soon, if you haven't started already. My recent YourTango piece suggests a couple of cautions.

When "Gone Girl," the book, came out, friends wondered if I'd ever worked with anyone like the main character, psychopath Amy, aka, Amazing Amy. Not to be confused with the garden variety narcissist, the psychopath has a much darker side.

The narcissist will exploit anyone for their own gain, believes in their superiority to others in all things and is vain, self-involved and infuriatingly entitled…kind of like Amy's husband Nick.

Gillian Flynn's Amy has the hallmark signs of the psychopath—her outwardly normal appearance masks her utter lack of conventional morality and the absence of all concern for the welfare of others.

Now that the movie is out, I'm faced with the question again. In answer I decided to post my own questions, including the important one everyone asks themselves: Am I as crazy as Amy? You be the judge.

Have you ever:

1. Thought your partner might be cheating and:

a.       Looked through her phone—harmless enough, right? 

b.      Followed her— if she's got nothing to hide...

c.       Installed spyware on her phone—she'll never know.

d.      All of the above

Read more here...