Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Are You A Mama's Boy (Or Girl)?

Is being married to a mama's boy or girl one of the issues in your divorce? Or are you one yourself?

We've all heard the stories about millennials being so close with family they take their moms with them on job interviews. My immediate reaction was that we are witnessing a generation of  mama's boys and girls. Yes, I said girls. Woman can suffer from the same overinvolved, enmeshed relationships with their mothers that guys do. 

Mama's boy has a pejorative ring, like Don Juan or gold digger, for good reason. I've said, in these pages, If you want a baby to take care of, then have a baby, don't marry one. As we approach mother's day, consider that your mother might prefer a grown up son…or daughter. 

Typically, sometime during or after adolescence, you psychologically separate from your parents. You become a unique individual with your own set of ideas, beliefs and morals. You establish adult relationships with your parents. If you didn't have secrets before, you definitely have them now.
Mama's boys and girls do not manage the separation and individuation well. They remain attached in ways that can suffocate new relationships. Sometimes the problem behaviors are couched in religious, ethnic or regional cloaks, like, you must always respect your parents, or, your elders are always right.

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