7 Reasons Everyone Keeps Telling You To Meditate

The post-divorce period is always one of stress and angst. Meditation is a great practice to help you cope with this difficult time. I speak from experience. This is a piece I wrote about the value of mediation. It starts like this:

I bet you know people who meditate. They’re often hawking the benefits of meditation, right?

 Annoying as it is, they’re correct. 

There is a wealth of research showing the benefits of meditation. These benefits include greater happiness, an improved sense of well-being, better emotional control, more compassion for, and better relationships with, others, less depression and anxiety, improved focus and even less inflammation in the body.

Though you may understand the benefits of meditation, when you imagine yourself in the perfect meditation space…you’re sitting on a cushion, the temperature is just right, there’s a slight scent of lavender in the air, it’s silent except for the tweet of a bird outside…you know you are never going to find that in this lifetime.

You’re busy, it’s noisy everyplace, and there may be a smell in the air, but it’s more likely to be car exhaust or pet effluvia, than lavender. When it comes to meditation, that’s okay!

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How To Up Your Wellness Quotient Post-Divorce

It goes without saying that divorce is a stressful time. What people often don't realize is that it's the stress which makes it the right time to examine your wellness plan. I know, you probably don't have one, and, being so stressed out, you think you don't have time to create one. In fact, it's times like these that you absolutely, positively must make time to take care of yourself. It can take surprisingly little time to up your wellness quotient just a bit. 

The first thing to consider is what wellness means to you. I suggest a three-pronged approach in which you consider your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. I'm not a purist as to how you might define each. What's important is that you spend a little time on each area assessing how you're doing, what's going well and what's not going so well.

Many of my clients look at their physical status once the divorce dust settles. When you're thinking of dating it's hard not to think about what shape you're in. Read more here...

Enhance Your Post-Divorce Well-Being With 5-Minute Mindfulness Practices

I know what you're thinking, you don't have five minutes to spare, especially now that you're divorced. But I'm here to tell you that you need to make just 5 minutes each day.  This is a little bit of time you can take to separate yourself from the post-divorce madness and stress.

We know that you can reduce stress and emotional reactivity, and increase focus and well-being, and improve your health, all with a few simple practices. Cultivating mindfulness can bring these rewards. Have to deal with an ex-spouse?  Research suggests improvement in emotional control is also associated with mindfulness practices. And who can't use more emotional control post-divorce?

There are as many ways to become more mindful as there are people, so here are my suggestions for cultivating your mindfulness. You have to try them out, and see what fits for you.

Breathe mindfully, by taking slow breaths that start in the abdomen and work their way up to the top of your head, exhaling as slowly as you breathe in. Spend 5 minutes a day breathing this way. Try breathing into your stress, be it a stressed muscle or a stressful thought.

Notice your thoughts without judgment. This means just noticing, not questioning, editing, criticizing or controlling your thinking. This is a biggie post-divorce. Everyone tends to be hyper self-critical in this time. Observe your thoughts nonjudgmentally for 5 minutes each day.

Experience what you're feeling in your body without trying to change it. Take 5 minutes daily to do a body scan. Start at your toes and work your way up to the scalp, just noticing what's going on in your body. Simply be aware of places you're tight, loose or neutral.

Focus on what you're doing with awareness. Whether you're walking (feel the air on your face and your feet hitting the ground), eating (notice texture and taste) or sitting (attend to body temperature and heart rate), try noticing all the perceptions and sensations you experience during a 5 minute period.

Meditate daily. Choose a type of meditation that suits you. There are many options. Do it daily for 5 minutes on your own, or find a meditation center or group where you can practice and learn. Many people find that practicing with a group deepens the experience.

Practice loving kindness toward yourself and others. This is a meditation in which you wish for things like safety, health, happiness or freedom for yourself. Then you extend that wish to your loved ones, to acquaintances, and finally, to your not-so-loved ones, for 5 minutes of your day. Depending on where you are in the post-divorce process, this last one can be very helpful. It's liberating to give up the anger and have positive wishes for your ex. Really.

Practice an ancient healing art like yoga, tai chi or qi gong by spending 5 minutes a day on it. Taking a few classes will teach you the basics. Simple yoga poses can be learned in no time on-line. You can practice alone. As with meditation, sometimes practicing with your kids, partner or a friend is a nice change.

Pick a time you can practice one or more of these daily. Work it into your schedule. As your daily mindfulness practice becomes routine, you will notice that an increase in awareness and a decrease in judgment begins to permeate the whole post-divorce experience. Control over your thinking and behavior becomes easier. It all comes together to reduce stress and enhance well-being. I'm not saying five minutes will bring all the rewards, but I suspect that once you start doing five, it will turn into 10, then 15, and who knows how much well-being you can attain?

Try some Iyengar Yoga Music to get in the mudra.

A version of this article was originally published at YourTango.