Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Post-Divorce Lesson: Pain is Inevitable, But Misery is Optional

Leave it to AA to pick up on the Buddhist approach to life. I’m taken with songs, websites and books that address the pain of separation and divorce, yet also inject a wonderful dose of humor, demonstrating that misery is, indeed, optional. Pray for You is my current fav. Despite the hope that

All your dreams never come true


I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos

was not meant to be serious.

Another example is my ex wife’s wedding dress. After his wife of 12 years left him in pain, this entertaining blogger couldn't help but notice that a single item remained in her section of our closet, her wedding dress. And he set out to identify 101 clever and amusing uses for it.

So what I’m saying here is that perhaps we don’t have to take ourselves and our pain so seriously. After all, the research does show that trauma results in coping and resilience. So it’s not all bad. You have to have some adversity to give you the strength to handle problems that will invariably come your way. And sometimes it’s the pain that pushes you to change in positive ways.

As the Dalai Lama said:

Happiness is not something ready made.
It comes from your own actions.

So maybe creating a website or writing a song are not the ways you might move on, but perhaps journaling, working out or something else new is on your path to happiness.

For fun: Pray for You. Jaron and the Long Road to Love

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