Inhale, Exhale — Let Go Of Negative Energy Post Breakup

You've probably had one of those knots in your back like the one I have right now. You stress out over something, lean over your computer too much, go to yoga, slip on your mat and, a day later, agony. You can hardly lift your arm over your head without excruciating pain. This must be much like the samskara, or energy knot, my yoga instructor has been talking about. 

Samskaras are negative patterns of behavior we have developed over the course of our lives. They are strategies that do not serve us well, yet we are compelled to repeat them over and over. Like Freud's repetition compulsion, when we try to undo past trauma by engaging in the same ineffective behavior, we are doomed to fail.

There are some particular post-breakup samskaras I hear over and over. Consider a few options for releasing their maddening hold: 

1. Social media lurking. Checking your ex's activities on various platforms, via your friend's platforms or by allowing people to pass info onto you, each represent misguided attempts to hang on.

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8 Ways You Can Be TOO Nice To Your Ex

We see this issue discussed much more in organizational articles than on the relationship side of things. In an organization, if you overplay your character strength of decisiveness, you risk alienating your peers by being overpowering. In a relationship, being too decisive can cause overreliance on your opinions, encouraging dependency from your ex.

Your ex may beg overtly or subtly for the continuation of various behaviors that, while very appropriate for a spouse, cross the invisible boundaries you are attempting to establish. Sometimes it's difficult because the request seems like something you "should" do precisely because it taps into one of your strengths.

Unless you're uber-civilized and still super-good friends with your ex, here are some things you want to avoid, especially early on after a break-up.

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6 Good Reasons To Be Facebook-Free

Post-divorce, Facebook may take on a bigger role in your life as you seek new social connections. I get that. It's still worth considering some of the problems with the media, as I wrote about in my YourTango piece. It starts like this:

People are incensed about Facebook's manipulation of emotional content. Psychologist that I am, I wasn't too upset about it. Since my dissertation involved deception, how hypocritical would that be? And, I seriously doubt that Facebook's research killed anyone, as one Tweeter apparently wondered. 

Nevertheless, the controversy, along with my clients and friends who are regularly threatening to delete their Facebook accounts, led me to pull together these reasons to consider joining the FB-Free club.

1.  Being an unwitting guinea pig

 

If you are furious about the FB content manipulation, you might want to consider, as psychologist Michael Ross said: "It's like undressing in front of an open window and then being outraged that someone watched." Be that as it may, not only would deactivating your FB account solve the problem of being subjected to future unwanted intrapsychic meddling, maybe you also get the satisfaction of giving FB a little payback by leaving…take that FB!

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