Sunday, April 29, 2012

You Gotta Have Heart Post-Divorce

There's no magic to running far or climbing Everest. Endurance is mental strength. It's all about heart.  Bear Grylls, Adventurer
When you suffer a loss, it’s really difficult to see that you’re going to feel better.  It may not be tomorrow, or next week, and it may not even be next month, but at some point, if you keep going, you will feel better.  You will get to the top of the mountain if you have the heart.  In fact, if you really notice how you feel on a regular basis, you’ll notice that some minute, or hours, you actually feel better right now.
Normal mood fluctuates.  No one feels great every minute or terrible every minute.  So even when you’re down and out, your kid does something funny, you watch a funny scene in a movie, you have a good run or swim or conversation…these things make us feel good, and better than we did the moment before they happened.  You’re not on the summit, but there’s progress and you can start to take heart that you’re making it.  You have to notice those good moments.
In the beginning, those good feelings don’t last quite long enough to feel representative of a real cure.  Those good moments don’t seem to add up to a day.  Maybe they don’t even add up to an hour.  But noticing the good feelings and putting them together in a string of happy moments can start to add up to a solid amount of time if you have the heart for it.  One day you notice you had a good morning.  Soon, it’s a good day.  After awhile, you’re having good days, then weeks.  You are almost at the peak.
I’m suggesting that you make a point to notice:
  • the moments that feel better
  • the things that make you feel better
  • the progress you’re making
  • the increasing amount of good times
All you really need is heart.
You gotta have hope, musn’t sit around and mope


  1. Wonderful blog & good post.Life after divorce is never been easy for the people who are living this moment. I just want to say that those people need to live their life as it was before their marriage.
    Cordell and Cordell

  2. Thank for your comment. I think perhaps living better with positive changes post-divorce is the way to go.

  3. Good advice! Yes, a divorce might mean a major change in your life and your heart being broken to a million pieces. However, life goes on, especially if you have kids.

    I used to imagine that I would be the type who would lay in bed for weeks after being heartbroken. However, things changed in my perspective after I have to deal with girl friends who had their hearts broken. Talking to friends can always help.

    If you have legal matters to tackle, such as your alimony or child support, or any other legal concerns,talking to an expert lawyer would also clear your mind.