Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Post-Divorce Decisions. A Few Small Steps

Do you think of will power as being something that gets tired?  The research shows that as you make more choices, your brain gets tired.  When that happens, your willpower suffers.  The result?  You can no longer make good choices.  If you’re like most people post-divorce, you have a lot of decisions to make.  Alone.

The kids and the ex.
*Should I discuss this with my ex?

The kids.
*When should my kids meet him/her?

*When should I date?

The ex.
*When do I forgive?

The parents.
*How much should I tell them about my finances?

The list goes on and on to include decisions about your boss, co-w0rkers, friends and so on.

Research also shows that you don’t suffer with the same decrement in decision-making and willpower if you don’t let your self-control muscle get too tired.  You can do this by taking a few small steps:

*Get enough rest - tired brains don’t make good choices.
*Eat right - undernourished brains don’t make good choices.
*Make routines – the more routines you have, the fewer decisions you have to make.
*Make rules – the more rules you have (e.g., my kid doesn’t meet my date until the 8th week), the fewer choices you have to make.
* When in doubt, postpone – if you need to think something through (e.g., should I discuss this with my ex) do it when you’re well rested, nourished and feeling on top of things.

The point is that it’s okay to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the decisions you have to make.  You can change your mind, you can make mistakes and you will not be perfect.  But take a few small steps toward making life easier for yourself and you’ll find the decisions get easier.

Music to decide by, Questions, Jack Johnson

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