We know that
you can reduce stress and emotional reactivity, and increase focus and
well-being, and improve your health, all with a few simple practices.
Cultivating mindfulness can bring these rewards. Have to
deal with an ex-spouse? Research suggests improvement in emotional control is
also associated with mindfulness practices. And who can't use more emotional
control post-divorce?
There are as
many ways to become more mindful as there are people, so here are my
suggestions for cultivating your mindfulness. You have to try them out, and see
what fits for you.
Breathe mindfully, by taking slow breaths that start in the abdomen and work
their way up to the top of your head, exhaling as slowly as you breathe in.
Spend 5 minutes a day breathing this way. Try breathing into your stress, be it
a stressed muscle or a stressful thought.
Notice your
thoughts without judgment. This means just noticing, not
questioning, editing, criticizing or controlling your thinking. This is a
biggie post-divorce. Everyone tends to be hyper self-critical in this time.
Observe your thoughts nonjudgmentally for 5 minutes each day.
Experience what you're feeling in
your body without trying to change it. Take 5 minutes daily to do a body
scan. Start at your toes and work your way up to the scalp, just noticing
what's going on in your body. Simply be aware of places you're tight, loose or
neutral.
Focus on what you're doing with awareness. Whether you're walking (feel the
air on your face and your feet hitting the ground), eating (notice texture and
taste) or sitting (attend to body temperature and heart rate), try noticing all
the perceptions and sensations you experience during a 5 minute period.
Meditate daily. Choose a type of meditation that suits you. There are many
options. Do it daily for 5 minutes on your own, or find a meditation center or
group where you can practice and learn. Many people find that practicing with a
group deepens the experience.
Practice loving kindness toward yourself and others. This is a meditation in which you wish for
things like safety, health, happiness or freedom for yourself. Then you extend
that wish to your loved ones, to acquaintances, and finally, to your
not-so-loved ones, for 5 minutes of your day. Depending on where you are in the
post-divorce process, this last one can be very helpful. It's liberating to
give up the anger and have positive wishes for your ex. Really.
Practice an ancient healing art like yoga, tai chi or qi gong by spending 5
minutes a day on it. Taking a few classes will teach you the basics. Simple yoga
poses can be learned in no time on-line. You can practice alone. As with
meditation, sometimes practicing with your kids, partner or a friend is a nice
change.
Pick a time
you can practice one or more of these daily. Work it into your schedule. As
your daily mindfulness practice becomes routine, you will notice that an
increase in awareness and a decrease in judgment begins to permeate the whole
post-divorce experience. Control over your thinking and behavior becomes easier.
It all comes together to reduce stress and enhance well-being. I'm not saying
five minutes will bring all the rewards, but I suspect that once you start
doing five, it will turn into 10, then 15, and who knows how much well-being
you can attain?
