Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Get Better Post-Divorce. Take a Lesson from Team USA

After a huge blow, everyone is trying to get better post-divorce.  The US Women’s Soccer team lost the World Cup in a heartbreaker a few days ago.  Talk about a blow.  Goalkeeper Hope Solo was asked whether she thought she’d be there for the next World Cup, 4 years from now, she’s 30 after all.   Her response was that she wasn’t even in her prime as a goal keeper (34 or so), that today’s game was a fun game for the fans to watch, that she knew it created a tremendous amount of interest in women’s soccer, the Olympics are coming up and that she planned to be at the next world cup.
What I noticed about Solo’s response was that it reflected what I surmise to be her get better goals.  Get better goals are those in which you’re trying to get better in some way.  In contrast, a be good goal is one in which you are trying to show how good you are.  As Heidi Halvorson has said, being good is about success, and getting better is about the journey.
Post-divorce, everyone is trying to recover from the unmet be good  goal (i.e., until death do us part).  How about some post-divorce get better goals?  Borrowing from some of my clients, they have decided to:
*take classes (for the fun and stimulation) and maybe get a masters degree
*join the army to fill life with purpose, serving country and learning skills
*move to the dream city to enjoy what it offers and the closeness of family
*date a lot to have fun and perhaps meet the dream mate
Don’t just lose weight, go to singles bars or meditate.  Decide on some get better goals.  What would you like to do?  What would increase the challenge in your life, make you happier, more fulfilled?  Try it and you’ll find you can enjoy the journey.
You’re the right kind of sinner, to release my inner fantasy.  Heartbreaker, Pat Benatar

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