7 Surprising Ways You Can Boost Your Happiness

You can always use some happiness-boosting ideas post-divorce. Here are some I've identified in a YourTango article.

My son flew home recently and told me how he arrived at his seat and promptly put on headphones to avoid taking to anyone. I explained that a recent study found that those who talk to the person beside them on a plane or train arrive happier. He wasn't buying it.

We all know that doing meaningful work, being with people you love and avoiding all things toxic increase happiness. Then there are unexpected things, like talking to strangers on planes, that increase happiness. Here are a few other unexpected happiness boosters:

1.       Buy experiential products. You may know that experiences, like your last vacation trip, make you happier than things, like your lovely new sofa. What you may not know is that buying things that are related to experiences, like the Garmin for those long runs I love, creates and enhances happiness more than buying non-experiential products. Memo to self: the last pretty watch I bought neither created nor enhanced my experience of anything.

Read more here...

 

Post-Divorce Foes and Fixes

I’ll admit it.  I’ve totally stolen these from Greg Melville’s articleabout common race foes.  But let’s face it, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a race, a post-divorce adjustment or a book.  The mental game is always the same.  Melville identifies four mental foes that get in the way on race day.  See how they apply to you.

* Your inner worry wart.  You know, the guy that leads you to question everything about your ability to function as a person, a partner and a worthwhile human being.  The fix…imagine yourself succeeding at whatever it is.  Whether it’s a date, paying the bills or getting rid of the mouse in the basement, visualize yourself doing it and doing it effectively and well.

* Your inner slacker.  This guy says there’s no hurry, you’ll figure things out eventually.  That’s true, you will figure things out eventually, but why wait?  You only have one life, and it’s short.  The fix…keep moving and working to get outside your comfort zone.  Think big and outside the box.  Try new things.  Get creative. 

* Your inner competitor.  This guy causes you to assess your abilities against everyone else’s, whether  that’s helpful or not.  Often, it’s not so helpful.  The fix…in the race of life it’s just you, trying to do your personal best.   You can learn from others who are successful, but don’t compare and be sure to enjoy your journey. 

* Your inner quitter.  This guy really makes you doubt you have the energy or grit to finish. You could cancel that date, pay the bills late and leave the mouse in the basement.  The fix…the urge to quit will pass.  Keep on with determination and grit.  You’ll get a second wind.

Don’t let any foes get in the way of living a happy and fulfilling life.

Contact me to attend a free 2-session teleseminar, Move Into Post-Divorce Life.  Enjoy the Journey. 

Fix You, Coldplay

Secret Destinations Post-divorce

All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware. Martin Buber

Starting a new year post-divorce can be trying, but what a great quote to start with. I see it as a way of reflecting on how we never quite know what we’ll encounter in our journey. Most of us don’t expect to get divorced, so the divorce is certainly a secret destination, but so is everything that comes after that day.

When I consider all that I’ve done in the seven years since my divorce, it’s quite astounding. And no, I have not developed more modesty. A runner for many years, I was inspired to run my first 10K and have run it 3 more times since then. Running races was never something on my radar, so it turned out to be a secret destination. Also ran my first 5K and have run that one a few more times. A psychologist for many years, I studied life coaching and attained my certification which was a destination I’d never planned. Although I’m an avid fitness person, I’ve become a serious student of yoga, which was something entirely new to me. No doubt as a result of all this fitness, I got my first massage and have joyfully had many since, another secret destination.

What it striking to me when I look at my life and the lives of others, is that we frame our journeys and the many secret destinations we visit along the way, with our particular mindset. For me, the post-divorce years are joyous, free and invigorating. Sure there’s been angst and pain; it happens to everyone for various reasons. But I choose not to frame my journey in those terms. I’ve accomplished a lot of things, and they probably have less to do with being divorced and more to do with filling the 7 years of this journey with a lot of travel, hence many secret destinations. I have many clients and friends who view their post-divorce secret destinations with the same kind of pleasure and acceptance. Then there are others for whom everything post-divorce is less than, not as good as or otherwise deficient; they do not brag about their secret destinations. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We all have secret destinations, and it’s wise to learn to accept the ones that are difficult, and be sure to arrive at others that are exciting and fun.

I can’t help it, but the song that comes to mind is It Happens, Sugarland. So shoot me for mixing Buber and C&W.